Loving myself

You asked me to share more personal things on here. So bravely I am trying. This is a re-post from my personal blog where I get much deeper and introspective. This year I have been on a journey of self-discovery and have been learning to love myself as I am. This is me raw, unedited. No make up. Just me. The real me. Okay, I did do my hair. But no photoshopping (not like I ever do that). No faking. I'm real. And I love me.

I just finished reading Stephanie Nielson's memoir, Heaven on Earth. Wow, what an amazing book. I read it cover to cover in about 24 hours (I miss reading...I should really do it more...like, books for pure enjoyment not for study like the usual nutrition/health books I delve into).

 I have been wanting to take a good look at myself for some time and decided now is the perfect time to do it. This year I wanted to work on loving myself more...inside and out. So I am trying to do that. I am trying to be more comfortable with who I am. More unashamed. Kinder to my heart. Easier on my shortcomings. So last night I took a good look in the mirror. And this morning too. I stood completely naked and examined myself. I examined my body. The body that has changed so much with motherhood. The ten pounds that won't budge. The sagging breasts that are a cup size smaller than they were before. The tummy that although somewhat flat, is stretched out and wrinkly. I looked at my eyes. Big and brown. My nose - big. My lips. Big. My hair...short and rich in natural color. And I started to think - this is me. Do I love me? Do I really love me?

I looked at myself with different eyes. What if I lost this? Do I love myself and appreciate myself enough? As I bent over to buckle my sandals, I thought - do I appreciate this? The ability to buckle my shoes? Or the ability to roll out of bed, easily in the morning without pain? Or the ability to do anything my children require of me?

The time is now for me to really start appreciating these things. To really appreciate my life. To see the small things, the beautiful things that bring joy. To embrace and enjoy my health and my body. To stop worrying about the what if's or the past. To let my regrets fly into the air. To give away the guilt. And the heart ache. And to forgive. To forgive myself and others in my life. Now is the time to embrace love. And now is the time to be happy. To be truly, truly happy.

I *think* I can honestly say, although I still feel self-conscious and question myself all too often, that I love me. I love my hair. I love my eyes. I love my big nose. My smile. My big teeth. Even my big ears. The moles on my face. I love my body. And my feet. My hands. My slender legs. My bubble butt. My apple shape. My small breasts that nourishe(s)d my babies. My tummy that bore me the three most precious things in the world. My sensitivity. My appreciation for beautiful things. My passion. My accepting heart. My compassion. My truthful mouth.

I do love me. Sometimes I just need to dig down and remind myself.

How grateful I am that I got to think about Christ so much yesterday. Because of Him, I can love me, despite my imperfections. I am so grateful that because of Him I can be perfect someday. And that for now, I don't have to worry so much about how imperfect I am. I'm just how I need to be right now.