Anti Candida Journal - End of Month One, Emotions, and Plans

So today we saw the doctor (Max and I) and I felt like it was a good appointment. I was eager for the appointment and left feeling hopeful.

This post is probably going to be a bit more personal than usual, so I hope that it is well received. Sometimes vulnerability is scary.

We went over Max and his symptoms - what has improved and what hasn't. I mentioned in my last post the things that had/hadn't improved so I won't go over that again. We're going to continue on with a similar diet, but I'm going to be less stringent with him about fruits unless I notice negative reactions. This kid needs some ability to not feel limited in his food choices and I feel good about allowing fruits in. We're continuing with a probiotic, then we will also add in some additional supplements which I'll go over in a future post.

We talked quite a bit about behavior and how much improvement we've seen through diet. We talked a lot about autism. I have thought for some time that Max was on the autistic spectrum but since I've never had a doctor back me up on that, I have hesitated to say it to very many people for fear that they'd think I was making it up or something (silly right? I don't know...). I asked the doctor today point blank, "So do you think that Max is on the autistic spectrum?" His reply comforted me. "Yes, he's hanging on to that spectrum. But continuing on this path, I think we'll find that he jumps off." So was it a diagnosis of autism? I don't really know. But it comforted me and validated my concerns. I have said over and over that Max would be a different child had we not done the things we've done for him (gluten free, then corn free, then NAET, then GAPS, then anticandida, supplements, antifungals, etc). The doctor agreed. His behavior and many of the red flags for autism greatly improved with the GAPS diet. We didn't see as much improvement with the food allergies as I would have hoped, but I can undeniably say that it helped with many of his other behavioral symptoms and even his speech.

I have always felt like I was reading about my own child whenever I'd stumble upon a mother writing a blog post about her son/daughter with autism (why does it seem like there's so many more boys with autism however?). I even remember when Max was just a baby...maybe 7 months old...hearing about autism on the news. My ears perked up with a special interest and I felt really afraid. What would I do if I had a child with autism? Well here we are and you know what? It's fine. It's hard work, to be sure, and many days I feel like I'm failing, but we are surviving and overcoming. Many of you know that I am Christian, more specifically a Mormon. In my church we have something called a Patriarchal Blessing. It is basically a blessing that is given to you to help guide you throughout your life. It is written down and is something that you can read for comfort, guidance, and reassurance. My husband's Patriarchal Blessing says something in it about our children having special needs. It says that we will have to be on our toes to help them reach their potential. When we were first married, we both felt like it must mean that one of our children would have a noticeable disability - perhaps Down Syndrome or the like. But, 5 years later, after having Max, we now know that his blessing was talking about our little boy. Because he does have many special needs. They are not always seen by the naked eye, but we do have to keep on our toes to help him be the best boy he can be. My husband's blessing has given me a lot of comfort throughout the years as we have dealt with the many things in being Max's parents (seizures, food allergies, autistic qualities, speech delay).

I am hopeful for Max. I am so grateful that I have been guided on the path that we've taken. It has not always been an easy path to choose and I have usually met a lot of resistance. But I have been able to trust my intuition and, I believe, have been guided by the Spirit, to know which choices to make for my child. I feel grateful to the many women who have written blogs about their challenges with children with food allergies and/or autism because they have helped me so much. I really feel like we are on the right path and I hope that a few years down the road Max will be just like any other boy his age.

So now onto myself. I was feeling pretty hopeless this past week because my fatigue has been SO bad. It is truly debilitating. I probably only have a few hours in the day (if that) where I feel "good." I don't even know if I can call it good. But, maybe...functional. My depression came back a little bit this past week because I just felt so hopeless and so desperate to feel good again. The thoughts came into my mind, "WHY do I feel so horrible when I eat so well?" "Why can't I just eat like everyone else?" "Why can other people eat junk and not notice?" I was really discouraged. I have to say though...I mentioned before, but my gastrointestinal symptoms are COMPLETELY  better, so obviously my questions were because of my irrational, depressed, emotional state. I have come to the conclusion that it isn't because I'm not eating this or because I'm eating that. I have done SO much with my diet, so I know that there is more to the puzzle.

I talked to the doctor about that today and kind of demanded that we do something about my fatigue. I don't have another few months to wait and see if this diet continues to help my energy. I need something now to help me because I am barely surviving my days as a mother. Since my thyroid ratios look fairly normal, he decided we would try B-12/B-6 shots. Today he gave me one and OUCH! It was honestly pretty painful! Max looked up at me after and said, "Mom, did that hurt?" Yes, yes it sure did hurt! But I think it helped. This afternoon I had a lot more energy than I normally would. I think I am going to continue getting them for awhile to see if they help. In between shots, I am going to add in a good B vitamin supplement.

I was diagnosed today with a sinus infection which explains all of the sinus pressure and headaches I've had. I thought they were spring allergies but turns out it was because my sinuses are infected. So unusual! I have never had a sinus infection before that I can remember...maybe once in high school? I forget. My ear is super painful and I can't hear out of it - again related to the sinus infection.

As far as my diet goes, I am really not sure yet what I'm going to do. I had some fruit on Sunday and again today and I haven't noticed any ill effects. I was planning to keep it out longer but I think I am going to allow myself a little fruit each day if I want. I have been reading so much conflicting information lately on thyroid/adrenal health and the right/wrong diet for helping or hurting it. I am just plain old confused. I think I am going to work really hard on trusting my intuition, listening to my body, and eating what my body tells me I need to eat regardless if it is "right" or "wrong" according to a certain diet. I am also going to continue taking antifungals but will be switching to a natural antifungal rather than Diflucan. I'll also be taking a therapeutic strength probiotic and will add in digestive enzymes as well. My goal for this month is increased energy and stamina! Wish me luck.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this post :)

Thank you for being here for me through this...I truly appreciate this little outlet more than you know!